Hello and Thanks For All The Viewship (First ever WeeklyReview)

Often times in life we find ourselves at a crossroads of some sorts. We are given multiple paths to take and only one option to make. Often times in life, we can be confused, scared and you’re not buying ANY of this are you? Well NEITHER am I! Often times and fear and blah blah blah blah blah! In case anyone’s wondering, I’m BACK and frankly, better than before. Well that’s not quite right now is it? I mean, yes, I’m less busy, but in all fairness I’m certainly not BETTER than before, I’m merely more relaxed. Though in all seriousness, me being more relaxed IS a better me. So where I have been over the past few weeks and what have I learned; those are the questions I’ll be answering today. Or rather, those are the questions I’ll be answering in this article. BEFORE I DO start however, I’d like to say this: before I went on the 2 and half (or so) week hiatus, I DID try to write one more article (about dumb people or something, I honestly can’t even remember at this point) but I stopped because I knew that it wouldn’t be up to par to my usual work. Actually, that and the fact that I REALLY didn’t want to. I wasn’t exactly in the right mindset to word anything so I decided not to. Couple that with my abundant laziness and you can imagine how much fun I had NOT wording something for 2 and a half weeks!

SO! Where was I for 2 and a half weeks? Well viewer, that’s a VERY good question you pose; simply put? I’m not telling. I suppose I COULD tell you where I’ve been, and I suppose I COULD explain to you the circumstances under which I had to disappear for such a long amount of time, except that would ruin the ambiguity I’ve set up thanks to the internet. So I’m not going to tell you where I’ve been; what I WILL say, however, is this: where I’ve been was incredibly annoying, and I’m glad that I’m over and done with all of that…for 2 months, and THEN I’m back. Luckily though, I won’t be going through another hiatus for a LONG time, so that’s always refreshing. NOW on to the good part! The stuff I’ve learned over the past 2 and a half weeks. Let’s start with the obvious thing; if you want people to be there for you, you need to be there for them. This one was pretty easy to figure out, and it was actually thanks to these articles that I was able to learn about this truth. You see, it’s rather simple to understand the viewership for the blog. People come and read the articles I post when I actually POST articles; when I STOP posting, people stop viewing, and people stop visiting the blog. This one took some time to figure out actually, because the page views usually drop by 2 or 3 viewers with each passing day (day 0 being counted as the day an article is posted). So around day 3, the viewer numbers spiked, and then (of course) they dropped. Soon however (around day 6 or so) the numbers dropped to about a viewer a day, and the day I announced the hiatus, the viewers dropped to 0.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at all seeing as how the concept of supply and demand is ingrained into ALL of our minds, but I am now about 85% sure that if I ever announce that I’m going to go on another hiatus, the viewer numbers will drop to 5-0 within the first day of announcing it. Suffice it to say, I don’t plan on taking more hiatuses. Moving on from viewership, I learned that a notebook is an EXTREMELY handy way of designating oneself has an individual to be ordered around. Furthermore, if you carry a notebook around, and people actually NOTICE said notebook, they will almost IMMEDIATELY ask you to remember something for them or ask you to DO something for them. It’s weird, but over the past few weeks I’ve done everything from get Mexican food to writing down the numbers for someone’s expected salary and the reason being nothing more than “Well you’ve got a pen and a piece of paper.” In retrospect I REALLY should’ve expected this (noticing a trend are we?), but the data surprised me. I hope everyone understands that I became the scribe within my groups of friends and associates for no OTHER reason than the fact that at the times that they required it, I (and only I) had a pen and a piece of paper. I’ve now decided to start carrying around a shoe horn and a baseball bat to see who else I attract (I’m kidding of course, but if you see an individual carrying a shoe horn and a baseball bat, please be careful. It might be me going around the neighbourhood looking for signatures for my new charity “Batters and Horners.” Actually, you know what? Scratch that; the charity name sounds like something a triple-x production company might come up with on a bad day and the LAST thing I need is an affiliation to Hollywood (I hope everyone saw what I did there).

So far, we’ve got a story about my moleskine (which I FINALLY got to talk about) and my steadily declining viewership, and frankly, I’m sure everyone is THOROUGHLY ravished by my HILARIOUS tales regarding human morality and so on. Now, however, I feel like I should take some time and talk about the things that really MATTER in this world. Specifically? Language; rather, how people should take care when mixing TWO languages together (in case anyone’s wondering, I’m about to become THAT guy, and I don’t care). Let’s say, for example, that I went to my local Mexican restaurant and placed an order for a burrito. However, I was feeling more hungry than normal and I decided to order the largest burrito that the restaurant offered. I would want to say that I want “Un burrito grande,” a large burrito. For a moment, I’d like to point out that the good people of Mexico speak Spanish and NOT Mexican. Remember folks, Mexican’s a nationality, NOT a language. If you say that a person speaks Mexican, shame on you, now go, go and error no longer (but not before you tell your friends to follow TheByteDaily on twitter. Yes, I did just pander, it’s alright though, because I’m not popular). NOW! Back to the original point! Un burrito grande is sufficient enough to say to get a large burrito. That’s in Spanish and I don’t speak Spanish so I’m sure the fine establishment would aid me in my pronunciation and accent.

HOWEVER, I start to have problems when the fine establishment in question begins to mix English and Spanish to create some sort of verbal Alamo where both die in a flurry of miscommunication (this really isn’t a statement on the Alamo here, not YET anyway. At least, I don’t THINK it is…)! My problem is this: the “Fine” establishment offers me a meal called “THE el grande,” where the grammatical error is capitalized. Essentially what the menu has offered me is redundant; the reason being that the menu has offered me “The the big” or rather “The the great” depending on how you mean to interpret the word grande (as either big or great; the words themselves being interchangeable). Seriously, it’s not THAT difficult to understand certain Spanish and English words EVEN IF you don’t speak the language, and the meal stated above, “The el grande” infuriates me precisely BECAUSE the restaurant is Mexican. I expect the owner AT THE LEAST to be able to recognize the poor word choice, mainly because the meal is now INCREDIBLY redundant.

The destruction of the Spanish and English notwithstanding, I absolutely LOVE “The el grande” and I recommend it to all those who are interested in getting a LOT more for their dollar AND their stomachs. I have nothing but great things to be saying about the meal itself (the NAME on the other hand? Not so much), and this is actually funny to me. How often has GREAT products been given terrible names, and (more importantly) how often have terrible products been given great names? The iPad for example; great product (debate it out in the comments), terrible name, BUT I digress. Moving on from “The el grande” we move towards Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.” In case anyone has NEVER heard of “Don’t Stop Believing” here are the lyricshere’s the original, and here’s the Glee version (in case anyone WAS wondering, I used to watch Glee but I stopped after the 5th or 6thepisode of season 2; I’ve got an entire rant revolving around the second season of Glee, but that really is for another day). Now, I love the song, don’t get me wrong, I DEFINITELY love the song. In terms of how MUCH I love it, I can safely say that it’s my favourite Journey song, and it’s also number 4 in my Top 10 Songs (Ever) list. The reason WHY I’m bringing up the song is a local game shop that I had the luck to visit while the song was playing over the store’s speaker system. As I entered the shop looking for dice for a rousing game of boggle (David Mitchell knows what I’m talking about), the patron of the shop was, in all accepted definitions and derivations of the term, “Rocking his socks off.” You know what I’m talking about, dude was IN THE ZONE and he DIDN’T care if you cared. This didn’t really teach me anything, I just wanted to point out to all of those who hate their jobs that no matter how bad you think it might be, you can ALWAYS find a little solace in SOMETHING. It’s pretty much the “Light at the end of the tunnel” metaphor except that this light requires a vast Journey (-rimshot-) to get to!

Let’s review for a moment what we’ve discussed and what I’ve learned over these past few weeks. Rather, let’s review the REALLY interesting things that have happened in these past few weeks. First we had viewership numbers, we then moved onto my moleskine love, then we moved onto talking about burritos and the poor names given to them, and finally we proceeded to a random store clerk rocking out to Journey. Now, yes, there was DEFINITELY a lot more that happened, but if I were to talk about EVERYTHING I’d run out of room, dataspace AND patience. For now, however, let it be known that I am (for all intents and purposes) back from the hiatus and I am (for all intents and purposes) ready to start the northern hemisphere’s summer with a lot of ranting, a lot of wording (because I word, I don’t write), and a LOT of Journeying.

As always, this has been your Admin, comment, DON’T STOP BELIEVING, and DO remember! Always look on the BYTE side of life!

-EK

  1. June 27th, 2011

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