The Secret Vacation of Danny Fenton (TheWeeklyReview Issue 4)

Well readers (more like reader; singular) it appears that I’ve once again done it! I have, once again, postponed my writing until the last minute and have, in the process, forced myself into a corner where I must, above all costs, write an article so as to not break my promise regarding TheWeeklyReview. Now, in my defence, it isn’t that I don’t want to write or that I’ve nothing to write about. There’s just this little fact rolling around my head; specifically? I’m on vacation and am thoroughly enjoying myself, so I simply haven’t written anything because, after stuffing myself with various cuisines of the world and doing all kinds of fun “Touristy” things, I simply haven’t written anything. That being said, I suppose it’s only fair that I discuss and review the week!

Let’s begin with the topic that’s foremost on ALL of our minds: where have I been vacationing? I’m not going to tell anyone because I want you all to guess where I’ve been. Also, if I tell you where I am right now, that will go against my writing style, where I only drop hints about who and where I am. Regarding the trip to the Distillery district, that was all past tense, meaning that when I was writing, it was already over and done with, so I wasn’t really giving much away (apart from my love of music and jazz; though, anyone who doesn’t enjoy jazz is beyond me), so it was alright. However, as I’m sure anyone can deduce, I am (in fact) still on vacation, meaning if I were to give away my location directly, I would be voiding a very important part of my writing (specifically, the never directly explain who I am part). I digress, however, because I absolutely LOVE this place. I mean, the food is delicious, the people are so incredibly kind and welcoming and the weather (though extremely hot and humid) hasn’t been too bad (actually, that’s not entirely fair to say. You see, yesterday and the day before it started raining an insane amount, both times at about 3 pm [PM?] so that really inhibited what I could do for the latter part of the day, but apart from that, the weather wasn’t too bad).

Moving on from the minor things, we move towards the major things, stuff like architecture! It’s interesting to note that the city was colonized by the French, so most of the older buildings have a very heavy French influence; things like the opera house and the post office are remarkably French. The post office, however, is even more interesting in that it has a very Gothic design to it (and in my opinion, looked a lot like Grand Central Terminal in New York, though many buildings with large and open concourses resemble Grand Central Terminal, so it isn’t really fair on my part to make such a statement. Though I do maintain that the inside of the post office resembled that of Grand Central Terminal). I suppose I should also mention that the Opera house is absolutely gorgeous; also heavily influenced by the French; the building was built in a French Colonial design, which really adds to the overall flair. I think that, if given the chance, I would’ve spent quite a bit of time in the overall building and not just admiring it from the outside, though certain restrictions (like not booking tickets for an evening) definitely impeded my overall stay.

Other points of interest include the city’s main (and, of course, largest) church. I didn’t spend very much time admiring the church as I should have, but I can safely say that the next time I visit this city, I’ll be sure to go to the church and also go to the many parks and gardens present. That really is my only regret; I spent so much time eating, sleeping, shopping and just walking around the inner city that I didn’t really spend as much time as I could have looking at the tourist attractions (now, the phrase “Tourist attraction” is difficult to pinpoint because shopping, eating, and sleeping are also tourist attractions. I suppose I’ll need to clarify, “Tourist attraction” refers to areas of a location where one can find many tourists gathering. Things like large churches, opera houses, libraries, post offices, parks, gardens, palaces, and the like all count as tourist attractions, but I digress). Which is why the next time I visit this certain city, I will, in fact, spend more time acting like a tourist; taking pictures, sitting in gardens and parks, and so on and so forth.

Moving on from this exciting and rather informative news is a slight revelation I’ve had about Danny Fenton (also known as Danny Phantom, that show on Nickelodeon that aired a few years ago? You know what? This is the wikipedia pagethis is the tv tropes page, and this is the Nickelodeon page). The actual show is fantastic and if you haven’t already seen it, you should go out and watch a few of the original 10 or so episodes in the first season (then go watch seasons 2 and 3, plus the movies), but my real problem (and revelation) is with the character of Danny Fenton; specifically that he is one of the least intelligent characters ever created.

Now, in the opening credits, we are introduced to Danny Fenton as being “Just 14 when his parents built a very strange machine” which is all well and good. Clearly his parents are inventors (of the “Strange” kind) and they are merely flexing their scientific and creative muscle, which is to be respected and lauded. In this day, and in the current economic climate many households are facing, it isn’t often that one finds a group of people willing to invest both time and money into a machine that is “Strange” and which (furthermore) is “Designed to view a world unseen.” This statement is rather interesting as clearly these parents are both imaginative and intelligent enough to build such devices. Though the next part is a reflection on their son as the audience is then informed that “He (Danny Fenton) is gonna catch em all cuz he’s Danny Phantom Phantom.” Their son is training to be a Pokemon master. Which is the first indication that perhaps he isn’t as bright as one would imagine. Continuing with the lyrics, we are then informed that “When it (it being the machine) didn’t quite work his (Danny Fenton’s) folks they just quit when Danny took a look inside of it.” Allow me to pause and be the first to ask this rather intrusive question: AT WHAT POINT DID ASH KETCHUM BECOME A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST?! At what point does a perfectly sane individual turn around and say “I’m going to go mess around with this high tech piece of equipment built by my two genius parents and try to FIX the device that even THEY couldn’t work with?” There should be NO reason (and yes, I just broke back into my habit of capitalizing my text) that Danny Fenton should have EVER gone anywhere NEAR the ghost portal (these aren’t spoilers because you don’t know what I’m talking about. If you do then shhhh, don’t tell anyone) and he DEFINITELY shouldn’t have tried to FIX the thing! I understand that the writers were merely trying to fill in a plot point posed by the producers “He’s a ghost boy fighting ghost crime, but HOW?” and I understand entirely that it’s a kids show and that most kids are smart enough to know to NOT go near their parents’s science experiments and so forth, but what about DANNY FENTON?

If his parents are as tech savvy as we are led to believe in the mere OPENING CREDITS, then Danny should KNOW that their work requires knowledge and a certain (oh I don’t know) MASTER’S DEGREE IN PARTICLE AND QUANTUM PHYSICS. He should know NOT to mess around with their stuff (stuff is now a scientific term, MOVING ON) and he should DEFINITELY know not to go and try to FIX it. Not because he’s just a high school kid who never once is seen taking physics on screen (which is true), nor because he might kill himself (which, let’s face it, he technically does seeing as he becomes a ghost), NOR because he might endanger others (that’s a bingo there too folks, a rather roundabout “Bring balance to the force” kind of bingo, but I digress), but because his parents have clearly done this kind of thing BEFORE. I’m not saying his parents are neglectful (though their parenting methods DO raise certain questions), I’m not even saying that his parents are morons (they kinda are though), I’m calling out Danny Fenton on this one. Under no circumstance was it necessary for him to put on a suit and go INSIDE the malfunctioning machine and under no circumstance was it necessary for him to ever believe that he could FIX anything, and it really irks me that he is one of the most well developed and well rounded characters to ever come out of a rather outstanding television program and yet he is so incredibly moronic! A quick word before I move on? It works. Somehow, by killing himself he fixes the machine, and that annoys me EVEN MORE than his blatant stupidity.

Finally, I haven’t written anything this week, so there’s nothing to put in this section, but I will be writing a few articles over the course of the week, so look forward to those soon.

As always, this has been your Admin; comment and criticize, and DO remember! Always look on the BYTE side of life!

-EK

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