Shaving; An Article About Neanderthalic Behaviour, Laser Hair Removal, and Genetic Fitness

Date: May 9th, 2013


TheByteDaily [Guest Article]


Shaving; An Article About Neanderthalic Behaviour, Laser Hair Removal, and Genetic Fitness


I was in the shower – and no that’s not where this is going, get your head out of the gutter. I mean, that is where I, like many other people, do some of my best thinking.


There I was, holding my razor and thinking, “Why am I doing this?”


“Why do we spend so much time primping ourselves? So much time altering our natural visages?”


And it is true. In today’s day and age, we view smooth, hairless skin to be desirable. Women shave their legs, they pluck out eyebrows, and they pull out stray growths. Anything to be a flawless beauty.


And don’t get me wrong, it isn’t just women. Men too, have even begun to preen themselves. Men shave their face, and now the practice of ‘manscaping’ – of men de-hairing their genitalia – has become commonplace.


So if hours are spent making sure that we are smooth as can be, and this doesn’t even account for the time spent on applying makeup or doing one’s (remaining) hair,  why do we do this?


We are mammals after all – we are supposed to have hair. It protects us, keeps us warm, and keeps us clean. It’s there for a reason. After millions upon millions of years of evolution, we Homo sapiens appeared as a well-designed result of good ol’ survival of the fittest. Mammals started multiplying and taking over niches after the dinosaurs went extinct, and took the giant reptilians’ place as the dominant predators on the planet. Our unique features have allowed mammals to survive in a plethora of environments: Look in the arctic, the tropics, the desert, or even the ocean and you’ll find mammals. And humans by themselves have been able to adapt to live all over the world.


So why, when this hair is a part of our identity, do we rid ourselves of it?


Well, really. That’s just it. We are mammals. We are a type of animal. And in today’s world, that is the last thing we, as a developed and dominant species, want to be viewed as. So I see our primping as a technique of distancing ourselves even further from what we truly are. So now we view hairy individuals to be undesirable.


Imagine if a Neanderthal saw what we have turned into. They wouldn’t see us as attractive at all. This smooth skin would make us appear genetically weak and unfit (in the evolutionary sense). No self-respecting caveman would give one of today’s modern women a second glance.

And don’t get me wrong.  I am not one of those hippies who thinks that we should just let our hair grow free. I still am just like the majority with my constant shaving and plucking and wishing for some goddamn laser hair removal to make my life a million times easier, but I just feel like it is something interesting to think about.


Because when we look at cavemen, with all their glorious thick fur, we are disgusted with what we evolved from! They were animals! How could we have descended from the likes of that?


The fact is, if some reason (for instance, an energy crisis *cough cough*) were to cause us to lose the use of our precious innovations, our shaven asses would be screwed. And yes, at the moment our hair would grow back (unless you are one of the lucky ducks who can afford the lasers, of which I am very jealous). But what if, in time, we start to evolve and lose our hair? Because if we keep selecting those with less hair, we shall probably start to have children with finer hair – maybe eventually no hair at all with the help of a few handy-dandy mutations.


Now I’m off to go pluck my eyebrows, I have a date tonight.


– Guest out –


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